Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
