Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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