I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
