No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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