Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pooping to opera.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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