I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize