Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
