JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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