We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
