if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
