girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
