I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
