Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
