dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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