It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she told me i tasted like america
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
