Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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