Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
