my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
