last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
