We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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