So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
