I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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