We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
