dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
