not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
