you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
