Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
