remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
