Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
