hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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