This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
