He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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