The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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