Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
