Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
