Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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