my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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