Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
