Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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