I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
