Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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