i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
