You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
