take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
