I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
