I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
