need another drink. this is the easiest way
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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