And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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