I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
