No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
