Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
