Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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