i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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