she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
