i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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