Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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