and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
