Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
