U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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