I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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