every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
