tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
