hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
