I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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