I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
