Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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