You can't special order awesome
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize