I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
