we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
