We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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