AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
