Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
