You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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