you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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