i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
