also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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