im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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