Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
