Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
